what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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