just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
