my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
