Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
