I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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