I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
