It's Friday. Sex?
I looked at my own cervix.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
