Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize