He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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