I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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