Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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