like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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