When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just gift wrapped bread.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
