He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
