I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
