I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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