Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
