I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
