apparently the secret to your success is patron
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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