She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
