are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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