i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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