Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
