i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
