Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
