i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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