I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
