Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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