If that was your dad, he is hot
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
