Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm always down for nudity.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
