I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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