last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
