Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
