Can i not drive my cunt home
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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