Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im six kinds of drunk right now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize