well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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