I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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