Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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