Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
