someone get that fucking seahorse.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
