How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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