Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
