Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
