I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
