i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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