i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
