the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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