please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
