Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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