Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
