She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
