Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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