I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
