k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
