Will you blow on my dice?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
