omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
