My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
