i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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