Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
