Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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