Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
