I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
