Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
