You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
