And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
